~ WIQUED WORDS ~

"Smoking Smarties" Has Parents Fuming

2009-10-03T14:11:00.000-07:00

Story:

Go to Story Here

Ok I have an issue with this story. I think its INSANE!!! Blown way out of proportion. It's aiding this over-sensitive world we live in today!!!

First of all - if you are NOT doing your job as a parent and talking to your kids - you are the only one to blame here.

What was this kid doing so wrong?? He was first of all a KID! He was imitating the world he sees. He was trying to belong, fit in and be cool. Come on... even us adults still do stupid shit for these reasons and we know better. Really...

Yes as a kid I bought and did pretend smoking with candy cigarettes. Did I smoke later - YES!!! Did I also do drugs later... YES!!!

Is it because I was allowed to buy and pretend to smoke candy cigarettes... FUCK NO!!!

My choices were my choices.. I smoked because my parent did, my friends did... I wanted to fit it. At the end of the day I was responsible. My parent should have talked to me about this... My path to smoking and drugs would have happened with or without the damn candy cigerettes.

Now do I do either today - NO!!! Again I took responsiblity and stopped both years and years ago.

I have a 16 year old boy at home... does he do either NO!! Does he even want to??? NO!!! Why!?!?!? Cause we talk constantly about everything. I do not believe in keeping anything from him. If its not taboo, there is no desire to run to it. So we talk about everything. Imagine that....WE TALK!!! Does that mean someday he won't try it??? I don't know. He might. But I have laid the foundation and the information is out there. The rest is up to him. He KNOWS the dangers and repercussions. I have done my job!!

Am I saying its a good thing to have on the market... No. But for god sakes... we have play guns on the market too... thats far more dangerous then this. Think about all the things on the market or out in the open that aid us to another way of thinking or affect our behavior... sexy ads... language on TV shows... hell seeing other people walk around with TATTOOS AND PEIRCINGS... *shifty eyes* Cause we are bad you know.

If we start putting everything in a closet that would aid anyone else to think outside the confines of their own mind... then everything including each other would be GONE!!!

I really wish the damn world would STOP pointing fingers at everyone and everything else and we as a people would start taking responsibility for ourselves.

For god sakes Parents, do your job and stop expecting everyone else to raise your children. If you want your kids to know the dangers...TALK TO THEM!!

This was just ridiculous... *shakes head*

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 6 - Final Day

2009-05-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

Well after a undeniably unforgettable trip... we have finally found ourselves to have arrived at our last day in New York.

I planned something quite special for this day... Special for us that is....

After a tremendous amount of vacationing we found ourselves rather tuckered at this point and just needed something relaxing to do...

So I booked us a 3 hour cruise... This was perfect and so much fun...

We could not have planned a better event to do on such a dark, rainy and cold day... the cruise director gave us a spoken tour of everything we saw... he was awesome... and funny... totally made the cruise...

We ate, I drank and it was just relaxing... exactly what we needed... this was a blast!!!!

Here is what we saw on our cruise... Enjoy!!!

Watch Cruise Video Here

After our cruise... it was now 6pm and at 7pm I had one more thing to do... probably the most special thing yet...

We were going to see 'Wicked' on BROADWAY!!!

OMG... I could not wait!!!

Here are some pictures I got before we went in...

First we arrive at the Gershwin *butterflies* and I rush to Will Call get our tickets.
God only knows I paid a small fortune for them.

Next we went to get some cash at the corner since I depleted what I had for the
trip...

We were not allowed cameras past the lobby so I got these pics before we went in...

3 hours later and we walked out mesmerized... This was hands down the greatest play I ever saw. Worth everything I spent... The stage was fantastic and the talent of these actors was just unbelievable... we were enthralled with the entire story and every scene... I glance over at Cody once in awhile and he was just engrossed. HE LOVED IT... EVERY BIT OF IT... I just knew he would...

afterwards I bought all the memorabilia could get my hands on... My favorite item was the official Wicked poster will all the players signatures on it.

This will be framed and put up in my home....

Now we realize our vacation was coming to a close...... before we went home for the last time, we were in Time Square so we decided to go eat... we choose the Hard Rock Cafe for our last New York restaurant...

Perfect... I love the Hard Rock Cafes... atmosphere is so fun!!! we ate and just enjoyed our last meal in New York... we than walked through Time Square and just took it in one last time... said our goodbyes...

We hit a Starbuck's as we did every night and went back...

We packed and went to bed....

Next day we spent all day coming back home to California... after over 12 hours, it felt good to be home.... real good!!!

But without a doubt in my mind I will go back someday, sooner than later too... so much I still want to see and do...

New York definitely stole a piece of my heart... and one day I need to return to get it back...

Truly a city that never sleeps, so intoxicating, so bright and so very alive...

Goodbye wonderful, beautiful, enchanting New York... my new wonderful friend!

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 5

2009-05-09T03:33:00.000-07:00

This grand day we have decided to start with Central Park....

We take the subway and it takes us to 5th & 53th, we make our way to the surface... we needed to get to 5th and 59th... so for 6 blocks we had to walk...

walk we did...

Walked down famous 5th avenue... you better believe it was as Ritzy as it should be... we walked past Tiffany's, Gucci, etc... very regal doorman at every entrance...

Here is our walk down 5th avenue...

There was so many churches like this... they were glorious... I never made it to St
Patrick's Cathedral which was one I so wanted to see... I have always been drawn to that church for some reason and I am not even Catholic... Google:
St. Patrick's cathedral New York and select Images at top and see what I am talking about...

Its breathtaking...

anyways here is one we saw...

Just some street shots.

Another gothic church.

LOL.. you can its 3:35pm.

All the people walking down 5th avenue...

Details like this everywhere...

The top of "The Plaza" a famous hotel in New York.

We ran out of time and never got to take a ride... but I took a picture of one.. lol

Now... we are officially at Central Park....

The famous rock you see in movies that so many stand on...

Yep, that's the famous skating rink..

Now it was time to visit the Central Park Zoo before it closed...

The very famous Penguins in numerous movies...
these guys were so fun to watch and were so verbal and active...

I could have watched them all day.

I think he was in timeout... he stood there forever like that... it was hilarious...

The underpass you go through to exit Central Park Zoo...

Time to explore the park a little more...

We decided to stop and just enjoy the views...

Cody took this one..

Cody still had the camera... ugh!

I got it back now.. lol

Resting our dogs... Notice the tennis shoes?? ON ME!!! Yea my first pair I have owed since I was 17...

I bought them because of the design on the side... but they rocked and were so comfy...

OK time to explore... OMG BALTO!!! Cody get up there!

Ok this is where we decided to travel into the park some... we only ever
conquered one side of the park... next time I will visit the west side...

The final pictures of Central Park... see if anything here looks familiar...

Bethesda Fountain - as you can see there was no water in it...
I was bummed. But it was glorious none the same. I couldn't believe I was there.

Every movie went through my head I had seen this in...

Numerous movies used this location...

Staircase just the other side of Bethesda Fountain and Terrace to Literary Walk

Famous Literary Walk

Naumburg Bandshell in Central Park

Very famous Literary Walk - How many movies has this been in... we sat here for about 30 minutes. The atmosphere is surreal... it was like heaven... a different world. I loved being there... watching the performers and people... beautiful and so serene. I could sit here all day and be completely happy. I was here... another dream fulfilled!!!

You should have seen our faces when we found it... was totally on accident... I was looking for Bethesda... and I saw the stairs and then looked to the left and my mouth fell open... I yelled at Cody and pointed and he said OMG!!!

He stayed and sat there when I went down to the fountain...

I also remember Maid in Manhattan... Enchanted... Definitely Maybe... White Castle.... August Rush... and so many more...

It's funny, because Where Literary Walk is... at the end of it is the staircase that walks down where Bethesda Fountain and Terrace is... you never would know that from the movies... but they are right next to each other which is amazing...

My only disappointment was we did not get to the other side of the park where the arch is... I wanted to go to the Art
Museum there and Tavern on the Green...

Just was not enough time to do everything... but that just means I need to go back.... lol...

its crazy looking at all these now... because now I am fully back in my regular living and its almost like I was never there... just a memory now... but the pictures bring back the feelings of being there... and
that's why pictures are so important to me... they keep it all alive...

We ended our day with a trip to the Empire State Building... not before we ate... we walked up a few streets and found a POP Burger... yea, probably THE most expensive burger joint I have ever been to. It was $30 for 2 burgers, fries and a couple of sodas... and they were not very good... lol

after we ate, we... I mean CODY hailed us a cab... and off to Empire State Building we went...

After a barrage of lines... few elevator rides, totaling about 2 hours, we make it to the top....

we walk outside and well, the view was... eh!?!?!?

That bright area to the right was Times Square.

WOW!!!! OMG!!!! This was amazing.... unreal... absolutely fantasmic!!!

Then we decided time to go home... it was late...and we had one more day to go....

can you believe there was a line to leave too??

lol...

we grabbed a cab, hit the path and home we were... vacation was definitely kicking out butts... we were tired....

ok... we are coming to a close...
stay tuned for the finale...

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 4 - Part 2

2009-05-09T02:47:00.000-07:00

OK now that we were done with the aquarium, we headed over to Coney Island which the Aquarium was
adjacent to...

maybe a 3 minute walk at best.

Here is what we saw... Oh and don't let the sun fool you. It was FREEZING!!!!!!

I liked this tree... lonely tree....

That saddest part was how rundown Coney Island was... lots removed, under construction... not really much to see.

We headed over to Famous Nathans
Hotdogs... it was all boarded up.
We still had hot dogs and funnel cake from another vendor... but it was just not what I expected... but so glad I went....

Crazy it was
one of the top things I wanted to do... We had to go on Sunday as it was only
open on the weekends until the Summer. So it was than or not at all.

I just expected something more grandiose... Just more... now we did not walk all
the way to the end of it and maybe we should have, but there was nothing by what
we could see there... everything was fenced up and empty, broken and torn down.

It was very cold and windy and walking that far and back in the wind was not
appealing.
Had it been warmer we mostly definitely would have explored more...

but there was this small kiddy section open where the Wonder Wheel was and the
Cyclone and this tiny area with booths with games... we did all that.

So yes, I am very glad I went because it was always a dream to go visit Coney
Island...
the art work on the walls was my favorite thing. Oh and my lonely tree on the
beach... he he...

After that we headed back to Manhattan before it got dark... Cody desperately
wanted to go home... he was tired, but I talked him into go going to Time Square
since it was almost night time....

we wanted dinner and were starving.... we figured there had to be places to eat
at Time Square....
he wanted to go see the ESPN Zone... and guess what they had...
yep a restaurant... someone perked up real quick...

well here was our visit to Time Square...

Just to keep in mind. This place was not that big... looks HUGE on TV.

There were 2 of these tall buildings with the ads on them...
one on each end of Time Square... this was one...

this was the other... this one had the famous red stairs below it..

This is MTV...

I stood on the famous island.... both sides... I never knew Time Square was on
Broadway, so all the theatres were here too...

There are no words to explain how magnificent this area was... it was bright and
busy and amazing....
we went into a gift and souvenir store and I bought a jacket because it was so
cold and I was miserable...
I now own a flippin jacket... LOL. Never had a real
jacket in years... I LOVE it...

we were now so tired and finally headed to the subway and went home after this. his.

But wow, what a day we had... WTC, Coney Island and Time Square... pretty
incredible day...
and 2 more to go... we were still excited for everything we
still wanted to do...

stay tuned... can ya stand it???

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 4

2009-04-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

We wake up and its Easter!!! Happy bunny day...

We get ready and literally run out of the hotel and head to New York... we decided today we would go to World Trade Center, Coney Island and Time Square...

Remember we have no car, so we were all about public transportation... We took trains, subways, city buses, cabs and walked... we walked a lot....

5-7 minutes from our hotel was the Path Station. It went straight from NJ to NY World Trade Center in about 5 minutes... damn, doesn't get better than that.

Isn't this the coolest underground escalator ever?? Just dug all the neon lights...

Once we got off the Path Train at WTC and went up to the ground floor... we walked out and we were at Ground Zero.

All I can say is wow... just standing there was unnerving... and surreal... I could not believe I was standing there... my stomach was doing flip flops...

We walked all around the perimeter of Ground Zero... they had a Blue Tarp all around it... but I was able to get a few shots of the building going on....

As we made our way to the street there was a church across the way... Turns out this was St Paul's Chapel... a refuge for the wounded during 9/11... this place was something to walk through... the mood was somber, quiet and tender... everyone spoke soft... lots of talk of where they were when it happened and how they felt... stories of how it affected them, there neighbors and loved ones... some knew people that died or knew of people that knew of those that died... it was like a movie... but not...

It was truly a miracle this place was still standing... It was a gorgeous church... After visiting St Paul's aka 'Unwavering Spirit: Hope and Healing at Ground Zero' we went to the other side of Ground Zero and visited the actual Tribute Center...

Oh my... walking through this place was like re-living the past all over again... they had voice boxes you could play and listen to actual voices of that day... videos that played of all the events of that day... speeches were being given... room after room of artifacts, pictures and memories... I finally had to get out of there... my heart could not stand it anymore, neither could Cody... there were boxes of tissues
everywhere... it was very difficult to walk through... I would have gotten more pictures, but somehow it felt wrong to snap pictures of everything while I walked thru... I used discretion and felt it was respectful to reserve being a shutterbug during this experiance.

No other way to tell the story then this video I made... this is mainly the buildings and what I could get of where the towers stood...

If you feel even an ounce of what we did being there... than this will be worth watching...

We entered the World Trade Center Financial Building which still stood and that's how I was able to look down into it and get those last pictures I did...

http://www.wiqued.com/WTC4.wmv

that concludes our visit to the World Trade Center...

I have no regrets going or being there... I felt truly honored... and filled with so much love and respect for all those that fought that day...

It was a life altering experience to be there... Stand there... where so much happened... it took my breath away....

Here is what is being built now...

http://architecture.about.com/od/worldtradecenter/ig/World-Trade-Center-Plans/

It's magnificent... there will be 2 encaved large square waterfall pools to honor the towers...

check out the link above...

I will also have you know that I learned from others there that everything that was left behind after the towers fell was reused to build new buildings, repair old ones and overall beautify New York. I just filled up when I heard that.... even with so much destruction we somehow brought back life... WOW!!!

More of this day and our events to be posted very soon....

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 3

2009-04-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

So Saturday we get up, get moving and shakin and its now time to head back to the Buffalo airport and get on a plane to JFK. Time to meet the BIG APPLE!!!

We are so excited... already this trip has been amazing...

So take our 11am flight back to JFK - arrive at 12:45pm and go wait outside baggage claim on the transportation island for our car service. I decided I am not driving at all while in NY and will be taking all ground transportation.

Our car arrives... and Barbara our driver was this little old lady, but was so awesome. She lifted our bags like they were nothing. I was crack-in up. WOW!!! I liked her already...

We are now on our way to the hotel in NJ, Jersey City on the Hudson River. This was a suggestion from a friend and an excellent one at that. It's directly across from the gorgeous Manhattan View you see so many pictures of...

It was a rainy dark day... but I did not care.... I WAS IN NEW YORK!!!

Already I could tell that's where I was... there was no denying the architecture... she told us all kinds of stories during our ride to the hotel... pointed out buildings and explained why they were there... anything we mentioned she had facts about... just amazing driver...

Here is what we saw from the car and pictures I got. She let me roll down the window when I wanted to get the best picture we could...

You can see the Ferris Wheel that was at Coney Island as we drove through Brooklyn...

Here was the Brooklyn Bridge...

Now as we got closer to Manhattan...
I loved this picture and the rain on the window...

WOW!!!! *butterflies*

The Empire State Building

Even with fog, dark, cold and rain... I was in love. I felt home here... It was undeniable how comfortable I was here... I just loved being there...

My son said, "Well you are a city girl after all"! lol...

Barbara continue telling us about how she got into driving... it was the
during the last Stock Market crash 20 yrs ago. I mentioned how everyone I had met so far was just so nice and kind. I admitted I was a bit shocked as I expected that typical attitude we see on TV and in movies so much... Infact I had anxiety about it, cause I will fight back. But it just was not so.... at all.

She said... after 9/11 it changed everyone there... it was as we had always seen, but what happened there went deep and it affected everyone. Everyone went out of there way to be nice, kind and helpful. They were all one now... all connected by this tragedy... barriers were broken and nothing separated anyone anymore... Even today it still lives. She admitted it was fading a bit, but it without doubt lived strong. I could attest to that. It was very much alive and I was very taken back by it...

After about 2 hours in the car... should have taken 35-40 minutes, but there was traffic to get across the Holland Tunnel... that takes you to New Jersey. The chatter made the time pass quickly...

One thing I just cracked up about was the honking...They really do all that honking there... there are even official traffic signs that say No Honking!!! Fines it your caught. I expressed to the driver that it just is not like this anywhere else... not like this. One person would honk and it would start a domino effect. It would just go on and on and on... Just killed me... It was real.

OK now we arrive in our awesome hotel.

Cody happy to be there?? I tink soooooooo... lol

This place had a separate bedroom and a full kitchen... dishes, pots, pans... everything... and it was cheaper than some hotels I have stayed in that were no where near as nice. It was so amazing.... we LOVED it. I will always stay at Candlewood Suites Hotel everywhere I go. Fabulous service, fabulous
accommodations... they even have a small market (they called it 'The Cupboard') downstairs with everything you could need.

It was nice to have all this at our fingertips...

Here is the view from our hotel window... Oh YEA!!!!!

By the time we got checked in and settled and felt like going anywhere... It was 5pm-ish... we decided we were going to keep it on the lowdown for the night and start tomorrow with a bang...

but we were hungry and decided we would see what New Jersey was about... so we had dinner at the Chili's up the way... and than went on an adventure... the silliness was creeping out of us and we were so damn happy to be there... everything was funny. Every get in one of those moods where everything become hilarious??? OMG we were there...

here is some of what we saw...

I am not sure why this was so funny... but were laughing and crackin jokes... well should we lie down then? can we sit Indian Style? lol - We don't have these on the West Coast, so it definitely struck a funny bone...

these rocks suddenly become hysterical and were dubbed MY rocks... we stood there had the most wild conversation and waved our hands around like mad people, these were New Jersey Rocks... they were special... and as we walked away laughing I was being teased for taking pictures of everything... so Cody in his Smart Alec voice says... Mom the ROCKS!!! Get your rocks??? so I freakin did... here you go... lol

Now the city... New Jersey that is... Just stunning..

Hey YOU... where ya going??

Now we reach the Hudson River... which is part of the ocean... that there is lower Manhattan...

Upper Manhattan - see the Empire State Building??

Wait... you mean there is fish in that water??? say it isn't so...
Yes I know it meant fishing... we just found this fun...

I turned around to get the sunset...
Prettttyyyyyyyyy!!!

See the statue of liberty right in the middle there? WOW!!!

It's getting dark and Cody takes in the magical and surreal view...

I loved how the sunset danced on the buildings... I was in LOVE!!

Cody and I just sit in awe... we were there. It was unreal. There are no words for how it felt to be there and see it for real. It was beautiful. Beyond breathtaking... I even shed a tear just standing there....

what a great day... I could not have asked for more... than night came... and something unbelievable unfolded...

No words...

we walked home, which was all of 5 minutes away... and settled in, watched movies and chilled....

into the city we go tomorrow....

Make sure you come back and check it out...
Til next time my friend... *kiss*

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 2

2009-04-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

OK so after our wonderful tour by the incredibly nice pilot... we land in Buffalo NY...

It's now 11am and we go get our bags from baggage claim and head to pick up our rented car.... we get to Enterprise... and there is a wait... WAIT!!! I never wait... have you?? how odd... but we wait...

by the time we get our car its now noon... we are exhausted and hungry...

Oh the car I rented was a Toyota Matrix.... what a cool ass car was that... had to share...

OK so I have no idea where I am going, just that the hotel I booked was near the airport... how hard is it going to be to find right???

well we drive and I just go where my heart tells me.... within a few minutes we see a Denny's... OMG - I think we both screamed... FOOD!!!!!

We pull over and and could you believe it, what was right behind the damn Denny's... thats right our hotel... LOL

but we are too hungry to even go there...

I could not get over how NICE everyone was...

we eat and go check in... and they let us check in early...

we agree we need a nap before we can entertain anything... so it 1:30 and we decided only 3-4 hours tops or we will miss everything...

WOW!!! What a nap can do....

we get up and get ready and go... Its 5:30 and we are ready for an adventure...

get in my cute car and we drive... and we are laughing and pointing out things... we can already tell we aren't in Kansas anymore... this was a neat town... we loved it already...

so about 30 minutes later we finally see...

OMG... we get excited....

but then we see....

Ohhh this is only to get out of NY... there is another one to get into Canada... this all took about an hour... and the night is coming upon us... I just wanted to get there before dark....

well... we did not make before dark... none the same we are now in CANADA!!!! WOOT!! We have offically been in another country.

Here is what awaited us...

Does something look a little weird about the Ripley's Building??? lol...

Coolest BK ever...

This freakin wheel was awesome... was totally enclosed and heated... it was COLD!!!!!

Picture from the wheel...

Here is Cody in the wheel...

and here is the view as we walked to the falls... is was a 5 minute walk....

OK I think that's all today... we will save the falls for later....

until next time.... ;)
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I am just kidding...

here ya go....

This sucker was hard to take pictures of at night.... these are the best of about 20 I took...

Needless to say we were too late to do anything... it was all closed...

I was happy to just be there... this is probably one of the most majestic visions I have ever seen.... there are no words for how amazing these falls were... absolutely stunning....

OK to finish this day off for us after we spent some time with the falls...
we decided to just walk around the town and get into trouble...

There were all these great haunted houses, but Cody would not do them...
so I opted for going to this arcade thing, that said they had games, arcade and golf... or Do the Movieland Wax Museum...

Wax Museum won....
Link to video Click Here to Play!

You know you love that song... don't even act like you don't... LOL!!!

well once we walked out of the wax museum this guy greeted us...

he eyes glowed and he talks to you and his head moves all around... it was a riot...

you can see Jack on the right...

there wasn't many people inside, but we had fun. We ran into this family there and they could not have been nicer... Cody was hesitant to go through the scary part... It always has a sign that says enter at your own risk...

well this family would not let us get away without going, so they grab our hands and said come on - we will go with you and they did... The dad insisted I sit in the electric chair... It was so much fun.

I am telling you I could not get over how wonderfully nice people on the east coast were... everyone was just incredible... smiles and so helpful. Greeted you like family... talk about eye opening...

There is one picture of Cody sitting next to Forest Gump... and you can see these green and brown covers on his hands... well it was just bone chilling cold in Canada (the snow at the falls should be a good clue) and we were desparately looking for gloves for him... well no one sold any... so these were kid socks we found for $5...

hey they did the trick... right??? they even matched his sweatshirt...

well that was it... after that we had dinner at Ruby Tuesday's up the way and then hit Starbucks and went home...

time to finally get to the Big City...

New York - East Coast Experience - Day 1

2009-04-19T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well I am back from a well deserved amazing vacation... and now I need a vacation from my vacation... I always say that too, you too??? lol... I guess it only means I really had an terrific time... and I did!!

Talk about hitting the ground running after getting back home... WOW!!! Time to get back to reality and catch-up...

OK I am going to share my entire trip with you day by day... It will take me time to get it all up, so I am going to do it in pieces for you... little at a time... more suspenseful that way... LOL

Of course there is gonna be pictures... Here we go...

Thursday Apr 9 - Long day at work. Come home after my 8 hours... butterflies in my stomach... I am not wasting one minute of my vacation... we were leaving as soon as I hit the carpet in my home... less than one hour of being home and it starts... We are packed and waiting for our cab.

Cab comes and drops us off at the bus pickup location - we take the cushy bus to LAX @ 5:40pm - this took about 3.5 hours...

We had this huge bus almost to ourselves... there was 4 people on it including Cody and I...

Pic of Santa Barbara Hills as we pass by

Cody enjoying the scenery - I know this pic is blurry, but I really liked it for some reason.

Finally arrive to LAX at a little after 9PM and our plane leaves at 11PM PST... we had time to fart around. We checked in and had dinner at this little restaurant across from our gate... LAX is a beautiful airport. We hit the gift shop to load up on water and goodies for the plane and we were already laughing and having fun...

Time to go...

after several hours of flying we arrive at JFK in Queens, NY... Its now 7:34am Apr 10th EST (4:34am PST)... from here on out all times reported are EST... we have now experienced a 3 hour increase in time difference.

BUT - we are far from done. We have to go get our bags from baggage claim and recheck them in as we are flying to Buffalo, NY so we can go to Niagara Falls first... now this was done separate because I decided the whole Niagara Falls after we booked the original flight to NY... so I had to book this leg of the flight separate...thus why the separate check in... for anyone that has not flown in awhile, you now have to pay to check in your bags, so I had now done this twice in 24 hours and when you go through security... you have to take everything off... jackets, shoes, hats, all metal and all bags have to go through the system... now we are back to our new gate... JFK was a very old rundown airport...

can you say tired??? have you ever tried to sleep on a plane??? You can not... even at night when its quiet... just impossible... we catnapped it...

9:00am we are off to Buffalo, NY.in a tiny, tiny plane.. we arrive at 11:00am... WHEW!!! Wait...

Quick note... Now we had the coolest pilot... because we were 25 minutes early arriving, he took us on a little tour first before landing and flew over the falls for us, this was out of the way... this was amazing...

Here are 4 pics from the plane...

This one is one of my faves... the right side of the bridge is NY and the left is Canada... see the falls??? WOW!!! see those buildings & the Carousel in the upper left corner??? It doesn't look like much, but this town was amazing... You can literally see the borders on both sides of the bridge... let me tell you, these people do NOT mess around... I felt guilty going through when we drove through it later that day... and I was on vacation... GULP!!! Ohhh I have pics of the town... you will see later.

Now one inch below the bridge in the upper left is where I stood later and took the pictures of the falls you will see.

One of the falls

and the other....

stay tuned... 8-)

Love is...

2009-03-29T02:21:00.000-07:00

Love is...
Making things right with someone...

My most recent heartbreak has seen a happy ending... one I can honestly say, I did not expect... at all infact.

I think it’s easier to walk away than face your wrong-doing... that’s my experience with others. It takes integrity regardless the level of wrong you committed, to admit and make good of people, what they bring to your life and regards to their feelings... for nothing more than love...

My brother has proven himself human and decent... I give him credit for making the effort to come to talk to me face to face and not letting an enormous amount of time go by, allowing more damage to be done than necessary.... he knew what he did was unkind... however, he did not know how much or all the dark places it went till I told him... after some time going over the details, my pain was clear... and his sorrow over the occurrence grew... It showed on his face..

I stood my ground as I do in such matters and drew my lines... but with grace and regard, he embraced every word and the moment was triumphant... How quickly the heart can mend when love is handled with such care and importance... When love shows up and stands above all else... It can heal even the most wounded of souls...

I hugged him with tears streaming down my face, grateful trembling words and thanked him for showing me the importance our relationship had to him... thanked him for admitting his wrong and coming to make it right... it meant everything to me... he wants to have a real family and real relationship, as do I... not one full of pain and constant heartache, being let down or full of empty words and hollow moments... but full and vibrant... He wants a true family... and he like I have always felt we never had one... so we need to count on each other if for no other reason than that... so we have a mission between us... and a common desire.

I can honestly say... I am happy to see genuine love from someone in this family... there may be hope for him yet... Facing me was huge. That shows character. Admitting and taking his licks... that took guts. He even said when he left; he was shocked I did not seriously knock him out... Truly.... he thought I was going to punch him on first sight. He just sucked it up and faced me... knowing he deserved whatever came... That’s courage… most don’t possess.

See I can always get behind that and it speaks volumes and carries so much weight when you can just admit you’re wrong and be willing to face it... He was sincere in many regards and I took reflection on that.

If he did not care or did not love me and I know he does, why would he bother? After all I am just his sister and he does not depend on me for anything, but love and merely just being his sister. So that apparently matters to him. It showed. I took stock in that... May seem small, but it had great impact.

Good things do come to good people.... OK at least for me... LOL!!!

Love is...

Being good to the people you love... It's lets them know you really love them. When you are lead by your heart, you can never go wrong...

Thank you sweet brother... you healed my soul!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

and the band played on...

2009-03-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

Life doesn't stop while we fall apart... but at times there is a moment in that space where things stand still... and we can reflect. I have stood on that mountain this last week... once again the sky is blue and things are clear... Life emanates through me and its so vibrant, with such hope.

First thing that needs to be said is Thank YOU!!!! Thank you to the beautiful, wonderful, selfless, tremendous friends... no, wait... there people are so much more then friends... they are the truest of family in my heart. My Bri, Val, Amy, Shannon, Joy, David and so many others that have just poured themselves into my life this week... so completely... your support & love has been overwhelming. To say I am blessed, is a tragic understatement.

People go their whole lives wanting what we all share... As greeting cardish sounding as it may be... you have given me the wings I needed to soar again, the ability to hold my head high and be utterly proud... you've helped me see myself for who I am really am, when I could not even do that for myself... You lifted the heaviness from my soul and gave me back me. I could not have done it without you... You make me a better person by just being who you are... Who knows where I would be emotionally right now if not for you all. I am serious... If it takes me the rest of my life, it will never be enough to show you all how grateful I am for everything you are too me, my son and how rich you make our life. You are absolutely the best of this planet... I love you with everything I am!! I am forever yours!!!

It takes courage to accept who you are and just be that person. I finally understand that. Thanks to a few friends. This week I see that I need to stop beating myself up, picking myself apart, analyzing every aspect, replaying every moment, recanting every word, finding fault in myself where there is no fault to be had and than with every new day doing it all over again... just all of it. Its ridiculous. It is what it is.... It just is!!

Nothing or no one in life is ever perfect... it's just undeniably selfish to expect it to be... I say that as much for myself, as I say it in regards to all I have been through and all I have lost the last few years. I get it... I get it loud and clear... I have always been able to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going. I may fall into a dark place for awhile, but I am very good at finding the goodness even in the worst of situations and take what comes next with grace.

I might at times have high expectations, but under no circumstance are they unreasonable or unrealistic... That is the huge difference in my opinion. Perhaps that of others are just too low? My standards don't have to match anyone elses! I don't have to settle. Infact, I rather like my filtering. It helps me get rid of the undesirables that find there way into my life. I won't be anyone's emotional punching bag or doormat. I refuse to just lie down and take it for the sake of avoiding a conflict. I will always push those boundries. The greatest of people never settled even when everyone else was against them ... and I won't either. I accept the outcome that bring's about too... It will always ruffle feathers and upset the cookie barrel. I'd rather take the chance, be loud, stand tall than fly under the rader. It's a tall order... I know. It's why I find myself where I do so often with people... I accept and own that completely and all that comes with it. I am very aware of it all. I am still ok!!! *big cheesy grin*

Most of all what I expect is very simple... you want respect - then be respectful, you want love - than be loving, you want consideration - then be considerate, you want fairness - than be fair... you want to battle - than expect a fight... you point out others mistakes - be ready to admit to your own .... get it yet???

It's simple... its kindergarten stuff.... you get exactly what you put in... In Spades!! It may not come about right there and then... but good produces good... bad produces bad... and it will always come back around in due course. I believe that with all my heart... I have too. Life and time has a way of taking care of things on its own without any help from us.

I have the right to say no... I have the right to stand up for myself under any circumstance... I have a right to close doors on those in my life that have proven to be unkind and harmful to my well being... I have a right to walk way... I have a right to be happy and do what deems necessary to see that has every chance of possibility, even if others disagree. I have a right to just be myself and that should be ok as long as I cause harm to none. I have the right to love and be loved and deserve the best life has to offer.

No one can take that from me.... EVER!!!

Life does not stop for anyone... for anything... at anytime... It's easy to get lost in our losses and our pain... I did that.... I spent a week there. It's funny though, while swimming in my losses, I found all that I have gained too... It was vast and beautiful. It was always there... We really are blind sometimes to the beauty of this world... even the best of us get lost. It's ok... Just don't live there long.

It became abundantly clear to me in that moment on that mountain, figuratively speaking of course, how stupid and wasteful of a week I just spent, feeling lost over my losses...

Cause you can't very well mourn over what's lost when you never had it to begin with. Can you??

It's really that simple... and the band played on...

As all things do... its all finally caught up with me...

2009-03-15T23:36:00.000-07:00

What you ask??? The last 3 years of my life to be exact... All the loss, the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the feelings of worthlessness, feeling insignificant, feeling forgotten, left out, not making a difference what-so-ever and flat out unimportant. Mixed with anger and a lot questioning. It's all come crashing down on me like a truck full of bricks this weekend. Why this weekend???

It's taken the petty, insensitive & cruel behavior this week of 2 very selfish people to bring it all to the surface. They just added to the insurmountable load of crap I have been handed the last 3 years. What I don't get is why were they the trigger.... I think its because I counted on them both so much... I never stopped to think they would be so careless of my feelings... considering all I had been through with them both.

Mind you both situations separate, no one having anything to do with the other... just ironic it happen to be the same weekend... More than I could handle I think. I think if one situation would have worked out, I would not have been so sensitive of the other situation. Together, it feels horrible...

It didn't just creep up... it flooded over me like a tidal wave today and I am suffering immensely... for the damage others have bestowed upon me... I am suffering something awful... Amazing the things that trigger us. Little things, that wake the sleeping lion.

No matter how strong we are... no matter how much we wipe ourselves off and keep going... if we do not stop to mourn, hurt and take care of us, it will pile up and catch up with us sooner or later. I am feeling every bit of it today.... Feeling so hurt this weekend over the behavior of 2 people, I care for so deeply and their thoughtless choices they've made in my regard - was more than my heart could bare... Simple decency - that never came. My strength disappeared and I fell apart... I have cried all day. Not just little weepy tears. Deep painful tears. Tears of deep loss from deep wounds. Way, way overdue. It was clear to me this was more than just hurt from this weekend... this went deep.

I sat in my pain and realized in the 3 years of how tremendously awful people I loved have been to me. Not just you garden variety awful... I mean to the core, slight your wrists, disgustingly awful. Just took even the smallest of incident to make it all surface.

Sure I have been asking myself, why me??? What the hell??? Do I deserve this??? Maybe I do! I am magnet for the rot of the planet... Than I think, I wouldn't wish these people on my worst enemies... than in the same breathe I realize these are my worst enemies... they were life long friends that stole from me, escaping a families malicious hatred, those that make backstabbing an art, liars who wear it with pride and those that have wanted true harm for me... I have watched my life's dream be taken out from underneath me by someone I respected so much and learning to rise above was not easy... trying to find meaning in life again has been hard... still. Just so much.... Even my back going out and having surgery... My grandfather dying... and what that did to what was left of a family... that no longer exists... So much hate left behind...

Just everything and everyone I have lost. Deep loss... no break in between... constant... It's taken its toll. As some of those losses were very needed and no regret in those choices... but the others... hurt... it all hurts. Together its excruciating to bare so much at once... I analyze things quite a bit and as I have no regrets in the decisions I made... or the stances I took... doesn't change how the entire situation made me feel. Does that make sense??? The loss of it all lingers... and as more loss continues, it just takes hold.

I guess I am feeling sorry for myself today. I am entitled, we all are once in awhile, the trick is to not let it take hold and own you. I know that. I have to just kept going.... I know everything in life happens for a reason. I know it deeply. It's just hard to find right now. It's moments like this that are really gonna help me appreciate the good when it comes... It doesn't change how much it hurts right now. It does... it hurts. I am just sick of how horrible people are, how selfish, thoughtless, uncaring so many are. It seems to be everywhere I turn and everyone. All the time. I am so sick of it. It's making it hard to want to get up anymore and keep going... I am struggling with that right now . I find little meaning in life right now... Doors closing, opportunities lost... I feel I have turned my life upside down for nothing... and everything. I am just so lost right now about so much.

Please understand, there is a lot of good in my life. My son has been supportive and the friends I do have in my life that are everything... are everything. I am happy with me, I am... Just... it just doesn't change how I feel right now about everything else.

I need change... BIG freakin change. My son graduates in 2 years... I just need to keep it together til than... when he goes to college, I am moving on too... I have been feeling it for awhile now. Honestly, I have since I moved here. A lot of good has come from being here, but this is not home... its never felt like home. I feel very restless here. What will I do?? Where will I go?? I am not sure... but I know one things for sure... I am not taking much with me or keeping many of the connections I have either... I want to start over... Call it whatever you want... I need a clean break from everything... a lot can change in 2 years...

I want to be happy and thriving, I want and need love in my life, I want positive loving people in my life... I deserve it for me.... I need to shed all that drags me down. Poison.... toxic people.... venom.... all needs to stop!!! Only one that's gonna make it stop is me. This dreadful cycle stops now...

So hows this blog for ya??? random? emotional? vague and too much info all at once?? GOOD... my work here is done!!! welcome to my world...

If anything here makes sense.... please share, cause even I don't know what the hell I mean... or do I???

I need coffee and a muffin...

Defining moments in our lives...

2009-01-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

*door opens into blogosphere* *gentle voice* Helloooooooo???

Well here I am… finally… taking a stab at building my website again… I start with my blog, journal, writing tool… its deems necessary to have an avenue to write these days… something I used to do often and for some reason allowed life to get in my way… so I just stopped… funny how we all do that… well no more of that… letting that of which I love should not be allowed to fall into the darkness. So I rediscover…

Recently I have come to the realization of what really matters. It’s not to say I have not been here before, but each time I come to this place… it’s new. Everything, sights, sound, feel and touch… it’s new. It comes down to one value… one thought… one truth… the little things matter. Nothing is trivial…

I find myself standing before crossroads again in my life and unlike the other times I found myself here, this time seems different… very different. I stand with certainty, absolute confidence and peace of mind that I have chosen the right path… it’s almost frightening how relieved I am and at the peace within I have found… healthy I am… it’s scarier than I can say… this is new… but in a good way…

It’s no secret that as we take our journeys through this life we know, we often find it necessary to make difficult decisions. Letting people go that are a detriment to our lives… even though you love them with more love than can be gathered… it’s just not enough… so let it be known here and now, love really just isn’t enough sometimes… so I begin my tale…

Everyone we meet or know is in our lives for a reason. I believe that… However I also believe nothing is forever. Life is full of comings and goings… we simply have to accept that. Take every moment for the value it is...

It’s time for me to add another chapter to my life of the latter… I close the door to my mother…

I can hear the gasps already… yep, you heard me right. I have decided it’s time to just let her go.

This is not the first time I have stood at this door… While other times I shut it temporarily… knowing when it closed it would not be forever. This time it feels different… it feels definite… it’s quite startling to feel nothing…

Lets see if I can explain… there seems to be this lack of taking responsibility that runs rapid in my family. Not unusual right??? You have either seen or have one of these yourselves… mine seems to take it to extremes. It’s almost violent in form the lack of conscience and feelings they often display… leaving them numb to humanity and decency... its often shocking… I have gotten used to it... if you can get use to such a thing... Somehow the great creators thought it would be comical to give it all to me… poured all these emotions 3 fold into me... cause all the gods above and below knows I am too much of all these things... almost to a fault with no way to turn any of it off. So imagine if you will.... for me, feeling… nothing... that’s HUGE!! It doesn’t happen… I have even tried to talk myself into being mad or angry and I can't... I feel nothing.

While all the above seems contradictory in perspective... its the truth as I sit here. There have been 2 other times in my life I got to this point with the most important people in my life… and the forever end was near… there always is a defining moment… I felt I needed to shed, share, explore this… in the open and hopefully help or aid others like myself or whom are willing to explore with me...

See I have not shed one tear since the decision was made… Not one… people I cry at commercials… I feel absolutely nothing... that speaks volumes to me and what she did went somewhere new and deep...

Yes as in all stories there was a defining moment… the premise of what lead to it is not important… it’s actually rather stupid in retrospect… really adolescent. It’s the manner of which she acted in my regard and behaved, that I found shocking… really disturbing... it opened my eyes up so wide and literally in one moment shut everything I ever felt for her inside… off!!! Its sounds incredibly simple, but its anything but… how do I sum up what took me a minute to decide from a petty arguement, all that’s behind why it occurred… cause there is a lifetime of sorrow, trying moments, accomplishments as well as failures behind it... seeing someone for their truest of colors with an explosion of clarity…

Is that even possible to just shut off??? YES!!! I have found it is so true, it hurts. You can absolutely get to a point where you cannot take one more dig, cruel word, hurtful behavior, push things aside, ignore the obvious, turn a blind eye, look the other way, be the bigger person and forgive for the sake of forgiving… you can absolutely hit a wall and say…ENOUGH!!!!! The cycle stops NOW!!!!

Yes even with your own parents… it is not written anywhere that you have to like them or they MUST be in your life.

Believe me… this is not about accepting her the way she is… I do… if I didn't she would not have been an active part of my life this long... I know her strengths and weaknesses all too well. Probably better than she knows them herself. They are what make her unique and special. There is a tremendous amount of good to her… it just doesn’t rise to the surface as often as the bad stuff does… I find that terribly sad.

While yes she is my mom... does not give her a get out of jail free card without consequence for her actions... this is where I differ from most... I don't care WHO you are... if you are a constant source of venom and poison in my life, you will not last. Especially if behind my back you want ill for me. Why would I want that in my life, regardless of the title you hold? That’s just asking for more abuse for the sake of appearances...let’s just say her mask fell off one last time in a moment I believed in her the most... it was utterly disturbing... and heartbreaking… it was the defining moment of bone crushing truth…

Please do not misunderstand me… those that know me know I am a very forgiving person… almost to a fault. I believe treating others the way you would want to be treated... I believe we all deserve allowances and plenty of chances… we all fall short and fail to meet expectations… even myself… oh dear do I ever fail… I own that completely... and admit I make big mistakes sometimes.... but when do you stop the cycle of reproducing the same results over and over and over… it’s like being in an abusive relationship… you stay hoping it will stop and the dream you hold onto with broken fingers and swollen flesh comes true… but in the end you realize, this is not a fairytale, this is real life and you have choices to make… if you do not take care of you, who will… you set the tone for your worth, not anyone else.

Am I saying there has never been good to our relationship??? Of course not. I would be lying… but here is the rub… How can I feel they hold value any longer when the premise of them has been entirely hollow and the truth was swimming behind my back the whole time... and that very truth has now revealed itself in all its glory with a resounding explosion... what I valued so much, I find that has not now or ever been returned, but in hollow gesture... when it mattered the most, love did not win... hate did... hurt did... how do you find the right place to put that???

All my life I have had a turbulent relationship with her… It’s up and its down… as much as she claims how much us kids (brother, sister and myself) have hurt her… to me there is no comparison to that hurt that is delivered from a parent to their child. It just goes deeper and leaves scars that are often not repairable… Believe me I own stock in that pain.. I simply do not surrender myself to it... I have chosen to move past it... well until now. Here is whats so ironic... she of all people should know this… she is walking living proof of the pain her parents inflicted on her. She is the poster child for it. You would think knowing that, would aide her in taking a different approach and not repeat the cycle. She did not… As she made some minor changes, the end result always the same... she delivers the same kind of hate & hurt that was delivered onto her… its heartbreaking…

I think knowing that has always caused me to pause and take a step back and make excuses for her behavior. I am now out of excuses and simply have no more room for cracks on the walls of my heart… I need to heal. The bandaids I have been using finally stopped being enough.

Let’s take a step back… I moved here 3 years ago to be close to her. Thought if I did that, maybe we could be closer and it would stop all the fighting we seemed to do from a distance. We could bond and she could be the grandmother to my son she always claimed she would be if we lived closer… with my head high and future that seemed so bright and wonderful, I moved… leaving many behind. The second time in my life I have done that… Right before it was time to move the fighting started again… I grew very worried if I was making the biggest mistake of my life. But there was no turning back… I was committed and we came… upon arrival it only got worse. There was no warm welcome, my heart sank… We unfortunately had to stay with her for about 3 months before I was able to get a job and get my own place. During that time… she drank heavily and with award winning performances she delivered her doses of cruelty like clockwork on a daily basis to both me and my son. It was difficult to put any of that in its right place after we moved… I was in such pain I could hardly stand it. I stood empty and unsure of what I had just done to our lives… it took awhile for me to get my footing again. But I did…

As always I mended ways with my mother, and of course things just pick up where they left off with no conversation to what happened and why. She stood her ground she was right in her behavior and I was not going to argue. I wanted no more arguing… I turned a blind eye and shoved it down. Like I do so many times... Things were ok for awhile… and then came another argument… as always she provoked it. Time passes we mend again.

See the cycle yet??? Now something miraculous happened in the last 6 months… out of nowhere she became the mom I have longed for since I moved here… time with her was joyous, fun and alive. It even seemed to bring the family closer… Holidays were a complete treasure and conversation full of life… even my son started to gain enormous feelings for her again… It was like she had a humanity transplant… every act from her was beautiful and thoughtful. Full of love… it was amazing… I could not even grasp onto it, I just let it run amuck and was so filled with utter completeness… life seemed as it always should have been. It was beautiful…

Than in a moment of truth… when it needed to count the most… something as simple as respect and decency should have been the first instinct… when love, humanity and heart should have risen first – it didn’t. Not even close… Winning at all costs was… it won with a clapping thunder… even over the love for your child. In a brief moment to do the right thing, she chose hate and hurt… no respect, no love, no heart at all… just winning by whatever means necessary.

There was a brief moment when she realized or so I thought and she apologized… believe me when I saw the words - it came none too soon and I was just elated she saw what mattered most, without even a word from me… and without even being able to absorb it, she took it all back…

I discovered all the things that were being said behind my back and the ‘legal’ actions going to be taken against me over a ‘thing’. It was so stupid anything ever went this far… but she caused it, fed it and kept it alive... No remorse… I stood numb… NUMB!!! This was her first instinct with me??? It became clear… how can you love me when you don’t even like me… One moment… one brief moment of utter truth, took everything that was good the last few months away. I saw the astounding truth of her feelings for me… in a moment of crisis if you will, she chose to hate and hurt, over love… I saw that so clear… when it mattered the most… when it should have been there above all else. It was not. To make sure I suffered was priority… spoke volumes…

Needless to say… I do not want that in my life… anymore. It was never the ‘thing” that was the issue ever… It was the behavior behind the event and how it was handled in my regard. They say, “Who you are when no one is looking, is who you really are”… I believe the same about how you talk about someone in their absence is how you really feel. I saw the words I was never suppose to see… it crushed everything I felt for her in a single moment. It said everything I always knew… this time it was right there in plain open view with spotlights on it. I realized right there… I heard the door close…

As there is no doubt I will feel a sense of loss in my life, it is more important that I will no longer have someone in my life that refuses to see me as a person – I am a tool, a weapon to wield, someone she is suppose to love. I would say unconditional… let’s face it, love is always conditional… I want people in my life because they care about me. Truly care about me and my well being, my soul and spirit… and that of my son.

Even as I write this… nothing... not a tear… Just utter clarity… total peace. Relief.

As the tale is a sad one, it’s also a good one… because when one door closes another opens… so I welcome the next chapter of my life. I greet it with open arms… who's to say what will be in the future... no matter how we try it never ends up quite how we imagine it, does it... for now this is my defining moment... without doubt more to come...

Thanks for reading... and I look forward to your tales of defining moments...